Finding Superwoman

Everyone knows the saying, “Nothing worth doing comes easy.”  It’s pounded into our brains and yet people are still continually looking for the easy way.  They’re looking for that magic pill to make them skinny or some made in China crap that you wear on your stomach that contracts your abs for you to give you a six pack. Consumers seem to love wasting their time and money on infomercial crap .  On the supplier end, you’ll always have those looking to make a buck and exploit that “shortcut” mentality that comes so naturally. I can’t completely dismiss that longing for shortcuts though.

If you think about the birth of modern conveniences, they’re all the brainchild of an inventor solving a problem.  “Sewing garments by hand takes so long… perhaps I can make a machine to stitch faster.”

With health and fitness though, you don’t get shortcuts.

A six pack won’t come from eating fast food and you’re not going to have a nice round perky ass by sitting on it all day.

In my quest, I’ve always wished it would be easier (like anyone else would) and I thought hiring a trainer would miraculously solve my problems of feeling stuck.  I thought, I’m going to be bikini or figure hot and muscular in a few months. Boom, bitches.

Well, just hiring someone to help you doesn’t solve your problems.  They can’t force you to make the right choices or to follow their plan to absolute perfection or babysit your kids so you can get to the gym or meal prep for you or meal prep for your kids.

Since beginning competition prep in September, I got very discouraged when my progress slowed along the road.  Things at home got a lot harder with my kids in some ways.  The custody arrangement changed and gave me less free time during the week.  Good for my boys, but bad for extra mommy gym time that I relied on and enjoyed.  My youngest son has had behavior problems that seemed to be getting worse and worse as we got deeper in the school year.

I rolled with the punches.  I’ve never stopped, never quit, but never felt I was ON TOP.  That I was doing everything above and beyond like I would prefer.

It’s NOT EASY.

I knew it wouldn’t be.  I knew that from the beginning.

It’s NOT EASY to find happiness.

It’s NOT EASY to uproot my life.

It’s NOT EASY to be alone with two little boys every night, fighting over whose Lego is whose.

It’s NOT EASY to get up at 5AM (fail).

It’s NOT EASY to do all the housework myself while working a full time job, going to the gym and making the decision to go back to school.

It’s NOT EASY to meal prep late on a Sunday night.

It’s NOT EASY to meal prep for my son to hopefully help his behavior problems when I could be letting daycare feed him (afterall, I am paying an arm and a leg for daycare).

It’s NOT EASY to get my ex to do it too.

It’s NOT EASY when he has a rough day and screams at me and kicks my seat all the way home and makes me cry.

It’s NOT EASY to practice patience.

It’s NOT EASY to feel like a good mom, waking them up early to drop them off at daycare so I can go to the gym.

It’s NOT EASY to feel like a good mom, putting them to bed early so I can get them up so early (and so I can have peace without whining or fighting).

It’s NOT EASY feeling like my best isn’t enough.

I’m not in the business of making excuses. I find solutions.

I wanted to have this AMAZING JAW DROPPING transformation in 6 months of prep.  I wanted to be this spectacular single mom that accomplished unreal results in a short amount of time.

Ha.  Was I dreaming.  Prep is hard for someone without kids.  I kept looking at all these women who have done it with kids.  Most of them are married stay at home moms, or work from home and I thought, I’ll show them I can do this too with less help! 

The truth is I want to be superwoman.  I want to do things perfectly, ALL THE THINGS.   When I don’t, I feel like I’ve failed.

I see my weaknesses.  I admit them.  I compare myself to others too often.  I’m impatient.  I lack self control.  I lack willpower.  I’m not a morning person.  I care what others think too much.  I don’t see what the people I love see when I look at me.

My strength comes in not quitting because of my weaknesses.  It may take me longer.  I may have to adapt.  But I won’t quit being better, working harder or becoming stronger than I was yesterday.

They say it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

However long it takes, I’ll be here.

Becoming superwoman is worth it.