This update is really late because I hard an extremely difficult time getting into the right mindset to write it.
Two months into contest prep. Eeesh. I’d like to tell you I’ve gotten the hang of this. I’d like to tell you it’s getting easy and I don’t want to eat EVERYTHING. I’d like to tell you I didn’t have a week long mental breakdown.
But I can’t do that.
I CAN tell you, I’m excellent at meal prepping. This week, I stuck to my diet and most of my workout plan. I struggled to fit in cardio. I had trouble getting up every day. Trouble getting the kids out the door. Trouble with one of my kids in daycare. I was pretty much an emotional wreck most of the week.
Here’s your reminder of where I began. Starting weight of 197.5 pounds.
Week 1 5.5 pounds lost, bringing me to 192.
Week 2 1.5 pounds lost, and 190.5 pounds.
Week 3 2.5 pounds lost, and 188 pounds.
Week 4 1.5 pounds lost, and 186.5 pounds.
Week 5 1 pound GAIN, and 187.5 pounds.
Week 6 0.5 pound lost, and 187 pounds.
Week 7 4.5 pounds lost, and 182.5 pounds.
(Keeping weekly progress in posts for now.)
And on weigh-in morning…
Week 8 Weigh In: 181.5 pounds
Weight Lost: 1 pound (16 pounds total)
Better than nothing.
I struggle with the up and down weight loss. I dread Fridays and I hate the scale.
I’m trying to be happy with everything I accomplish and stop thinking about what I haven’t. I’m trying to look at this journey in small nibbles. One day or one week at a time.
It’s overwhelming to think about only being 8 weeks into prep and having another 16-20 to go. I keep feeling like I should have lost more weight by now.
I know I’m irrational. I know this. I’m down 16 pounds in 8 weeks, 2 pounds a week average. That’s fantastic. Faster than I’ve ever dropped weight in the past.
If you knew me personally, you’d know that I’m a perfectionist. That if I can’t do something the way I want, then I probably just won’t do it all. And I’m never satisfied. I always feel like I should be better.
Example. I cried for weeks my junior year in high school over the A- that ruined my 4.0, preventing me from being valedictorian. I ended up being salutatorian.
“But Addie, you know how many people would be thrilled just to graduate with honors? You got to give a speech at graduation!”
Those people aren’t me. I expect more of myself. I don’t care what other people do. I want to be better.
Seriously though, chill out, Addie. You used to look like this…
And you looked like this… the picture that prompted this weightloss journey…
Sometimes, I feel like I’ve disconnected myself with who I used to be, that this is someone else I’m looking at pictures of. I can hardly remember anymore what it was like to be her, because I’ve tried to block out the sadness. And yet I still feel her insecurities in a different way.
Though, I’m happy not to be fat and unhealthy anymore, I concentrate too much on reaching the “final product” instead of relishing in what my body is now. Like somehow I’m not allowed to be happy with myself until I get the body I want…
Okay, venting/ranting/rambling over. I needed to clear my head. I feel semi-better. I’m working on loving myself all the time instead of in phases. Thanks for being here.
Lessons Learned & Highlights of the Week:
- New leg day.
After sending my progress from week 7 to my trainer, he questioned whether my leg routine was making my glutes hurt to which I replied no. My glutes must be lagging in progress, so he sent over a new leg routine.Basically, it kicked my ass hard. It seems to target my glutes and hamstrings a lot more.
A new thing I do now is high rep sets on leg press (previously was 20, now 30) and superset that with walking dumbbell lunges. WOW. What a difference. I also do smith machine step backs which I didn’t think I would like but really enjoy.
I let my kids go trick-or-treating with their dad while I had a make up cardio session at the gym. I’m not really into the trick-or-treating and didn’t want to be tempted with candy, so not a big deal to me if he took them.
And NO, I did not decide to hand out candy, bought with my hard earned money, while secretly judging all the fat parents sitting in their cars between houses.When they came home, I separated EVERYTHING I LIKE and sent it back with their dad! Milky Ways, SNICKERS, M&Ms, basically all chocolate, Skittles and Starburst…. loaded ’em back into a bag and sent them out the door. Temptation resisted.
I prefer they don’t eat all that candy anyway, so I’ll keep it a couple weeks and let them have a few pieces. I’ll trash it all after that. What a wasteful holiday.
During week 7, my contest heels came! I forgot to mention that.I ordered them so early for a few reasons.
1. I’m tall and awkward.
2. I never wear heels.
3. I have giant feet.
These are size 13s and I was lucky to find them on Amazon after a lot of searching (many cross dressing sites were visits). I really wear wide size 12s, but going up a size will usually get me by without wide width.
I decided to give them a try with a bikini on as well. I felt utterly ridiculous.